Nov. 15th, 2012 06:24 pm
phantasmagory: (hilda)
I've got severe senioritis or something because honestly I'm failing my accounting class even though I put 110% of my efforts in. I mean, I study and do the homework and take notes and I get 60s on my tests so like I've sincerely come to not give a shit about the class anymore. And my professor has tenure so she feels she can treat her students however she pleases. For example, telling all of us that we either pass or fail, and there are no "in between grades." So even if I put the best of my ability in and suck at the tests I'm still going to fail. why

why why

Now I want to drop my management minor because of this one damned class.

GOD I'm never going to graduate. I'm in a rush to graduate but I'm 21 and still a junior at my college because of some credit nonsense. I'm losing motivation to continue going to class and homework because I just feel like I'm whittling along here wasting time with classes and professors I hate.

like what the fuq am I even going to do with an English/management degree anyway

is cowboy an option because


I don't want to work at a grocery store the rest of my life damn it all.

One of my managers is nuts. There was a mouse scurrying around in the back room and my supervisor says, "Get a box and we'll capture it and let it outside." And my manager says, "I have a box," and chucks this 24 PACK OF SODA AT IT AND I JUST STARTED to cry and he's like, "Oh. Woah. It was just a mouse."

I just feel for animals of all sizes and I can't help it. And I called him a murderer and glared at him the rest of my shift because he is

I can't


Oct. 5th, 2012 10:38 pm
phantasmagory: (Default)
Wah. I wonder if I should delete my online journals? I don't pay attention to them much... or fill them with anything, though I feel I should. I buy journals and stuff and never fill them... like everything else in my life. I never finish what I start, whether it is a story or a friendship or anything else on my to-do list besides school work.

Homework consumes most of my day, and then stupid tumblr and facebook. But I hate facebook the most because every time I log on I see the things I'm left out of. I'm starting to feel that I am not really wanted and am closing in on myself. I don't even remember how to make new friends or initiate gatherings with old ones, and there are so many people I want to talk to but I am to afraid to. The social anxiety I thought I had gotten rid of keeps coming back up and it's killing me that I'm not bothering to fight it off. I feel like I bother whoever I talk to, so I don't do it.

4 years in college and I'm still not sure what to do. I miss writing, but I can't seem to do that anymore... maybe I wasn't meant to do that, then?

I do love to bake. :|

I really need to pick things and stick with them. I need to try harder. I need to do less... accounting.

Maybe I should just say fuck it and go back to doing what I wanted to do all along no matter how bad I am at it. I need to do what makes me happy because I'm forgetting how to be happy.
phantasmagory: (hilda)
I don't think I have the ability to write anymore.

Thank goodness my grandmother baked cookies.

wallows in self-pity and salty cookies and burt's bees cough drops

just when I had resolved myself to be an English major again I realize I suck.
phantasmagory: (Default)
 I like economics

macro, micro



I don't want this but I can't help how I feel
phantasmagory: (Default)
My journal name comes from my favorite word, whose definition is this:

"a shifting series of phantasms, illusions, or deceptive appearances, as in a dream or as created by the imagination," or "an optical illusion produced by a magic lantern or the like in which figures increase or diminish in size, pass into each other, dissolve, etc."

It's my favorite word in the English language, so I made it my screen name.

I don't know what I'm really going to do with this journal yet, though. I couldn't maintain my livejournal well so I guess I'll see what happens here. Probably just thoughts and writings.

Just what I feel like putting here.


phantasmagory: (Default)

November 2012

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